Today I was asked if I thought things had really improved for those living with domestic violence. Are people reaching out to them or are we still turning our heads and pretending we don’t see it?

I would have loved to say an unequivocally that things had improved, but at the moment I am unsure.

I live in a world consumed by domestic violence I have lived it, I have survived it  and it is now the focus of my business. So, as the only breadwinner in my household it is still important for my financial stability.

Living in this world it is easy to to see things through a positive lens, because most of the people in my world dedicate much of their time in trying to bring about positive change. Both on a large scale and in the lives of individuals impacted.

Today I gave a Keynote talk to an audience which included many from the business world. Not so long ago businesses would not have seen the relevance of them getting involved in this issue.

When I think of my days in corporate, when it was a ‘shameful’ secret I tried to keep from my boss, colleagues and even my friends.

Once I left my partner I was amazed how many people said to me they had wondered, saying among other things:
  • You always seemed scared when he was around.
  • Your explanations of what happened never matched your injuries.
  • It always seemed like you were role-playing when you were with your partner.

Back then nobody would have dreamt of saying anything. After all it was none of there concern, it would be rude to intrude. Things have change in that we are starting to recognise that domestic violence is an issue which affects everyone.

Many workplaces now have policies in place, but do you employees know:
  • The signs of domestic violence
  • The dynamics of abuse
  • And, importantly how to communicate to a colleague dealing with domestic violence

Because without the confidence to approach and communicate with empathy and understanding, we have not moved very far forward at all.  We are still in the space of watching and wondering without reaching out to the person we are concerned about.

Do your employees feel comfortable discussing this issue?

I can see now looking back at my abusive childhood. Their were so many people in my life who had a very good idea what was happening behind closed doors; but nobody said anything. It was not the done thing. What if they were wrong?

So, they did their best to help but no one took any real action. Certainly never reached out to me to see what I needed. It was considered a family matter so the school and community did nothing. I am glad for children growing up in abusive households that this is no longer the case.

Communicating about domestic violence is not easy. If the people in your organisation are not trained to speak openly and have the confidence to broach the issue with a colleague they suspect is being abused – have we really moved forward at all.

We are at a crossroads and we need real sustainable change within organisations. So we can change attitudes and cultures.

 

Lisa McAdams

About Lisa: Lisa is a survivor of domestic violence who shares her story openly; along with knowledge and understanding of abuse and her experience from her time in corporate to help companies develop an organisational culture of empathy and understanding.

She helps by bringing insights on this complex and emotional subject, ensuring managers understand the issue, the signs and how to communicate with those impacted by domestic violence.

Lisa is passionate about educating workplaces so they can ensure women in abusive relationships remain in the workplace. Because employment improves outcomes and can ultimately save lives.

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